Believe it or not, I haven’t always found it easy to “fit in” to what I thought was “yoga”. My body and mind didn’t always “do” what I thought they “should” in a yoga class. My mind would wander. My body and mind were restless. Everything was a bit stiff and felt crunchy and difficult. I was sometimes too keen and wanting to impress. Sometimes all of that is still true now. I felt my least welcome in yoga studios when I was pregnant, and the furthest from “glowing” that you can imagine; had an awful 12 week complicated miscarriage and was told not to attend (at a time I deeply needed support); and post partum when my body had changed beyond recognition. People who only knew me pregnant/ a new Mum, sometimes still now look me up and down and wonder if it’s really the same person. As if my body size or shape would make a difference to who I am. Over my 20+ year journey with yoga, I’ve struggled with high work stress and pushing myself too far, unrelated injuries which meant I’ve been unable to do anything physical, bladder prolapse (no leaping about), and times when I was so exhausted I couldn’t consider moving (thanks toddlers and peri-menopause). In the last 12 months, I’ve experienced a whole range of peri-menopause symptoms and thankfully HRT is now helping loads! During these times, I often felt (or was told) that I couldn’t “do” yoga, BUT, I now recognise that was absolute rubbish, because yoga is SO much more than poses/movement and offers so much more than just a physical experience, if you want it.
Looking back, my first experience of yoga was whilst teaching English and travelling solo in India when I was 18 and staying at a beautiful ashram in Pondicherry. Noone was moving or bending, but sitting in silent contemplation. At 18, I wasn’t that interested but it did seem beautifully peaceful and still compared to the cacophony of noise and movement outside. At 25, I moved to London, with a busy job in an environmental charity, punching above its weight, it kept me very busy. There was a yoga school around the corner from my rented room. Fancying a “yoga body” (which I soon came to understand to be bullsh*t), I signed up and was AMAZED at how I felt internally after a class – calm, still, at ease in my body AND my mind. I became a regular. Through my 20s I tried many different types of yoga and practised physical postures frequently in and out of class and dabbled in yoga nidra. I definitely snored my way through many classes! Physical practice through pregnancy and early motherhood was infrequent and hard as I often had a baby attached to me. My body changed beyond anything I recognised and I didn’t feel I fitted the aesthetic of what I perceived yoga to be about. Rediscovering yoga nidra at this time gave me back a tiny slice of sanity. My physical practice eventually picked back up in Covid and I remembered how it supported my mind as well as my body (like everyone, so many unexpected, shocking family and wider issues to deal with during this time) and began my yoga nidra teacher training at that stage, to support me. Loving teaching nidra to my clients after Covid, I deepened this training with highly experienced teachers in their 50s and 60s, so comfortable in themselves and their skin. I attended their retreat and it changed my life. Here was a room of 50 yoga teachers, literally ALL shapes, sizes, ages (although mostly 40+), abilities, all the fancy clothing brands and Primark joggers. One or two took more extreme (asana) poses when the option presented but most lay down to rest. I was intrigued, and felt welcome. Perhaps the yoga aesthetic we are so regularly presented with wasn’t necessary after-all? After classes and over meals, they all encouraged me to train. I have thrown myself in deeply. I will continue my studies – official CPD and constant reading and learning. I am determined to be part of the change that is slowly, slowly happening in yoga, away from the image and aesthetic to a deeper meaning. Yoga is SO SO much more than just the physical aspects and you can practice EVERYWHERE if you choose. I will talk more about this in the future, but feel free to ask me.
This doesn’t mean you can’t come to my classes in your Sweaty Betty’s. Of course you can. But you can also come in your Sainsbury’s joggers. You can come when you’re feeling great and you can come when you’re feeling the opposite. Please don’t come if you’re ill, please respect yourself and others and stay at home, practising with my free deep rest recording! You are welcome exactly as you are, exactly how you are comfortable and most at ease with yourself, inside and out. Joggers, cultural clothing and sports kit totally welcome, stretchy jeans if that’s what works for you – your clothes just need to allow your mind to be comfortable and body to move with ease. I provide mats, and all the props you could possibly need, although you are welcome to bring your own mat if you prefer.
This year, I’ve trained and studied hard – and will continue to do so – to support women at all stages of their journey of life and wellbeing, to find ways to help you feel good in your body, however you find yourself. My cabin (not “studio”) is a safe haven with no mirrors, no expectations, no pressure and offers youa big, warm, nourishing welcome. If you sign up but feel exhausted or don’t want to join in, you can come and snuggle in the corner and rest. Rest and relaxation are my absolute priorities so you’ll always be welcome and encouraged to take a lie down any time you like. If you’re looking for a work out – give me a try – my flow classes are still strength focussed, but to me, the true meaning of yoga is kindness and to that end, I encourage you to find what feels most supportive to you. And if you’re looking for crazy balances and a strict, speedy routine with a very curated playlist, I’m probably not the teacher for you – and that’s ok!
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